And in the end, we were all just humans...
drunk on the idea that love, only love, could heal our brokenness.

— F. Scott Fitzgerald

If it's darkness we're having, let it be extravagant.

— Jane Kenyon

≡ ≡ ≡

jeongguk wakes up slowly, eyes opening against the soft light surrounding him. the first thing he's aware of is how heavy his body feels, how worn and tired. when his eyes flutter open, it takes great pains not to simply close them again and drift back to sleep, but all it takes is a vague memory to pull him fully into the present: the prediction.

it takes several seconds for jeongguk is realize he's in a large tent, the cloth material overhead stretching out either way and blocking out the sun from beating down upon him. he's lying on a cot, several tubes running out of the back of his hands and leading to bags of liquid strung up behind the cot. he makes a noise, trying to force feeling back into his body so that he can move it; he wiggles his fingers and then his toes. there's still phantom pain wringing through him, his head the source of most of the soreness. but he's... awake. he's alive.

when jeongguk lifts his head to take in his surroundings, he doesn't get much farther than right next to his cot. there's a man sitting there, on his knees, head resting against the outside of jeongguk's thigh. he's fast asleep. there's a line of stitches over one of his eyebrows, curling partway down over his eye where he must have been struck with debris, or maybe something worse.

it's yoongi.

jeongguk swallows down the swell of emotion within him, his heart immediately in his throat as he looks down at his husband—who is alive, despite it all. but jeongguk knew that he was going to die. he was supposed to die, and now jeongguk remembers it in bits and pieces—the building shaking and the two of them running for the door and yoongi reaching out for him, to pull him through to safety, and jeongguk knowing, the moment they touched, that the building was going to collapse in the next seconds and yoongi was going to be crushed under the weight of it. that he would die.

he'd done the only thing he could think of in that moment, the one thing that would give yoongi a chance of making it out alive. now there's pain in jeongguk's entire body, but he pays it no mind as he moves his weak arm, bumping his knuckles against the crown of yoongi's head and slowly uncurling his fingers into yoongi's hair. he's warm to the touch, breathing under jeongguk's fingers. although his head hurts too much to do much, jeongguk wills himself to predict just the feeling of his future, and finds nothing but yellow yellow yellow.

"jeongguk-ssi?" it's a middle-aged woman who appears in his periphery, over yoongi's shoulder, dressed in white robes and with a clipboard in her hand. "you're awake."

jeongguk makes a noise in the back of his throat, trying to find his voice before he replies, "um. yeah, i just woke up."

the woman smiles at him and reassurance floods through jeongguk. "i'm so glad," she says as she approaches the end of his cot. "my name is eunsook and i'm one of the soulmate healers at this hospital. you're in good hands here."

"how long have i been here?" asks jeongguk.

"a few days," says eunsook. "the mission to rescue detained soulmates happened four days ago, after which you were brought here—our main rebel hospital. we put you into a coma for a few days as you were healing, to make sure nothing disrupted your progress, but we lifted that this morning as we think you're recovering well and it won't hurt you to be awake."

he swallows tightly. he can tell that he isn't completely healed yet, not with the pain he's in and the way it feels like he can't get up even if he wants to, but he's glad to know he's going to be fine.

"can you tell me what you remember of the mission, jeongguk-ssi?"

he almost laughs. "we had most of the soulmates out," he begins, clearing his throat when he hears how rough his voice is, "when i predicted that the building was going to collapse. i told the leaders before i ran into the building to tell people there and—and save my husband." he curls his fingers into yoongi's hair, needing the reminder that he's here. he's safe. "we got almost everyone out but the building collapsed before i could."

"that's right," nods eunsook. "the mission was going well before your prediction, but thanks to your quick thinking, the rebels were able to get most of the detained soulmates and even our opponents out of the building. not everyone made it, but if you hadn't done what you did when you predicted the collapse, hundreds of people could have died."

it's strange—in the moments that jeongguk had predicted the building collapsing, he'd known that he had to save as many of the people inside the facility as possible. but above all, he'd known he had to save yoongi. that's why he ran inside. he had no other choice, couldn't bear watching from the outside as yoongi raced against time to save everyone else and then himself.

"you were almost out when the building collapsed," continues eunsook. "yoongi-ssi told me that you pushed him out of the way because you must have predicted that he would die. and you took the brunt of the debris that would have killed him. you were very seriously injured and bleeding heavily, but your squad members raced you to the hospital as soon as possible, and we were able to get to work on healing you. most of the soulmates here have healing abilities, so your healing was quickened because of that." he doesn't even want to think about what he'd looked like when they pulled him out of the rubble, but something tells him yoongi won't be able to forget it for a long time. "we healed your major injuries, but you'll need to remain here for a few more days as your body naturally heals and recovers. i also suggest taking it easy for a while—no rushing into the field the moment you get out of that bed."

jeongguk has no intention of it, that's for sure.

"thank you," he sighs. "for saving me. for doing whatever you could to keep me alive."

eunsook's smile is warm. "you were willing to sacrifice yourself not only for your husband, but for everyone person in that building—even your enemies. it was my pleasure to help someone with a heart like yours, jeongguk-ssi."

just then, yoongi stirs, the movement drawing jeongguk's attention as he suddenly feels something akin to nervousness run through him. he doesn't know why he's nervous for yoongi to wake up—his husband, his other half. but maybe it's something about them fighting for weeks on end before this. maybe it's because jeongguk was right, and yoongi almost died, and jeongguk was willing to sacrifice himself to make sure it didn't happen.

there's no time to wonder, to worry, though; yoongi is turning head into jeongguk's thigh, making noises in the back of his throat, and the healer pats jeongguk's foot as she says, "i'll let you two be. if you need anything, don't hesitate to shout."

when she leaves, jeongguk is left to watch his soulmate wake up. and how strange to realize this could have—should have, perhaps—gone the other way. in some universe where jeongguk wasn't there to push yoongi out of the way, jeongguk would now be looking at yoongi's lifeless body instead, wishing for more, fueled by nothing but anger and grief to tear the government limb from limb himself. at one point, that's what jeongguk did want, even without losing yoongi. but all of this has put his life into perspective, has made him realize how important it is to cling to the things he wants to keep with him.

yoongi wakes up, blinking his sleepy eyes at jeongguk's thigh before he straightens a little and then shifts his eyes to jeongguk. when they make eye contact, he freezes, surprise evident on his face as he must not have expected to find jeongguk conscious. and—jeongguk just stares at him. there's so much to say now, so much to do. jeongguk almost died. he almost died saving yoongi's life.

but they just look at each other. then, eventually, jeongguk whispers, "hi."

tears well in yoongi's eyes so quickly that it takes barely more than a few seconds before they're spilling over onto his cheeks, almost without yoongi's expression changing. but then jeongguk's vision blurs, his own eyes welling with tears just at seeing yoongi cry. they move at the same time, jeongguk's actions limited to his hospital cot, and yoongi is up and in his arms within seconds, holding him, clinging to him. yoongi is solid in his arms, breathing hard against him, face tucked into jeongguk's neck where he can feel the wetness of his tears. but he is alive.

somehow, they are both alive.

"oh my god," yoongi says, gasping for breath. "oh my god, jeongguk."

"i know," says jeongguk, because he does—there's suddenly too much to tell yoongi. everything he should have said for weeks and almost lost the chance to ever say again.

"you're alive," breathes yoongi. "you're okay. i thought—jeongguk, i thought you were dead."

"i saw you die," says jeongguk, remembering it vividly. his predictions of the future have never been visions of any sort, merely knowledge, but he saw that one. he knew it so suddenly and fully and entirely that he could see how the building would collapse on top of the yoongi and that it would be the end for him. "hyung—"

"i'm okay. i'm fine, jeongguk. you saved me."

jeongguk chokes on a sob. he hadn't even taken a moment to think before shoving yoongi out of the way—he hadn't thought about what it would mean for him, because in that moment, he didn't care about himself. all he cared about was yoongi and making sure he was safe and saving him, doing whatever he had to do save him. he would have gladly sacrificed himself for yoongi, and he's glad he's alive, but he would have. he would have.

"i love you," yoongi says, pulling away enough to take hold of jeongguk's face and kissing him, and then kissing him again, and then kissing over his cheeks and his nose and his forehead and his closed eyes, which have tears still seeping out from beneath his closed lids. "i love you so much. i never want to go through that again."

"i love you too," says jeongguk, opening his eyes to look at yoongi's tear-stained face, that desperate and relieved expression on his face. jeongguk pulls him for another kiss, this one harder than the rest—like it's the first kiss they've ever shared, like nothing will ever compare to this again. but jeongguk feels as though they've been given a second chance now and this is the first of many. the first of forever, because jeongguk will never let yoongi almost fucking die again. and he knows for a fact the feeling is mutual.

the pain fades away when yoongi is holding him, touching him. it's so easy to forget that he's still recovering, because having yoongi with him has always made the world better, colours brighter, his heart lighter. this is his soulmate. this is his other half, the one who completes him like no other person ever will. and to think that they almost lost each other, to think it almost came to something worse—

"i'm so sorry, jeongguk-ah," whispers yoongi when he next pulls away, thumbing at the tears on jeongguk's cheeks. "i should have listened to you."

"it's okay, hyung."

"no, it's not." yoongi's eyes are firm, insistent. "you told me i was going to die and i was stupid enough to think i could change that and then you—you almost died instead. i almost let you die because of that, jeongguk. i can never forgive myself for that."

"but i forgive you, yoongi-hyung," says jeongguk, fingers curling into the hair at the nape of yoongi's neck. "i know why you were acting the way you were. and i didn't like it, but you were trying to do what was right."

"i never should have put that above you, though. you are my soulmate, jeongguk. you are my husband. and i was so blinded by my desire for justice that i neglected the promises i made to you when we decided to do this together. and that wasn't right."

a fresh wave of tears overtakes jeongguk at those words. the truth is, he did understand why yoongi acted the way he did, but it still upset him. for weeks, he felt as though yoongi cared more about the rebels than his own husband, and to hear it acknowledged so plainly makes him emotional.

"i have to apologize too, though," says jeongguk. "i didn't stop to really consider how we could work it out together. i just wanted what i wanted and i didn't want to hear your side of it, and that's just as bad." they're both to blame in the fight that nearly tore them apart, and he can see that now that everything else has been wiped away.

their fight seems silly now, considering he almost died. "we both fucked up, didn't we?" asks yoongi. "and you almost died because of it."

"but i'm okay now. that's what matters."

yoongi lets out a very long sigh, one he must have been holding since the building collapsed on top of jeongguk. and jeongguk will be okay; he doesn't know if he'll have any lasting effects from his injuries, but he's alive. and he has a feeling they'll be on the same page after all of this, too. he could have done without all of the pain and near death to get there, but there's no point dwelling on their mistakes and shortcomings. soulmates are meant to do this together—and sometimes that means messing up together, too.

jeongguk kisses yoongi again, feeling luckier with every one. now that they've gotten that out of the way, he asks, "what happened, anyway? was the mission a success?" if he almost died for it, he wants to know how it turned out in the end.

yoongi pulls away from him, enough to sit down on the edge of his cot and take his hand instead, tracing over his knuckles and the lines of his palms as he speaks. "it was a success," he says. "i don't know exact numbers, but we got over three-quarters of the detained soulmates out of the facility, and we were able to capture a bunch of brainwashed soulmates who had been sent as back-up by the government. but... the building collapse meant that a lot of people still died. they've been digging people out of the rubble for days, but they didn't find too many who were still alive after a few days."

"and—hoseok-hyung?"

"he's fine," says yoongi with a grin. "jimin and his squad got hoseok out almost immediately and he was already on the way to a hospital by the time the building collapsed. the rest of us are okay, too; minor injuries for some, but nothing as bad as you." jeongguk sighs in relief, glad to know the rest of his friends are safe, too. he doesn't know what he would do if any of them had gotten seriously injured or had died in the mission, not when he felt so close to being free of that hell.

"hoseok is being held with all of the other soulmates who were in the process of being brainwashed," yoongi explains. "they think he was near to the end of the process, so he has the most damage to be undone. they're keeping all of them in comas at the moment, as they work to figure out how to undo the brainwashing. but they're making good progress, so the last i heard, they hope to have everyone returned to normal in a few weeks."

"poor jimin-hyung," says jeongguk. "that must be really worrying, to have hyung back but not back."

"you can talk to him about it yourself," grins yoongi. "all of them have been by to check on you, but they decided to stay away when you were waking up so you wouldn't be overwhelmed. but i'm sure they'll be here today to jump all over you and cry on you."

"it'll be a pleasure."

yoongi laughs, squeezing his hand. "and... they're trying to save the soulmates who were already brainwashed and helping the government," he adds. "some people aren't happy about it. they think those soulmates need to be punished for whatever they did, but most of the leaders are arguing that they didn't know what they were doing and the ones who need to be punished are the members of the government who did this to them."

"they don't deserve to be punished," says jeongguk firmly. although he'd almost been killed more than once by some of those soulmates, he's resolute about that. "the government forced them into it. they didn't have a choice. and terrible things did happen, but it could have been any of us." it was almost hoseok. and he knows those soulmates will likely feel terrible about what they did once they're back to their right state of mind.

"you should tell them that," says yoongi. "it's becoming a bit of a polarizing thing in the rebels, so the right side needs support."

"we can't forget who the real enemy is," says jeongguk. "the government wants us fighting amongst ourselves so we forget to fight them instead. but this is always going to be about the government and their treatment of us and of the common people. we can't forget that."

yoongi lifts jeongguk's hand to his mouth and kisses it, making jeongguk's brows unfurrow. there's still so much anger inside of him about all of this, but it's been good to get some of that out through the rebels, no matter how dangerous it is. they've done good work—he knows this. he knows without them, people would have died. but all of this still brings him back to the core problem: jeongguk is tired of the fighting. he almost died, and if that's a sign that he needs to take a step back, he doesn't know what is. yet the person standing between him and that reality is before him now, and jeongguk doesn't want another argument like the one that stretched for weeks prior to this.

silence settles over them. yoongi seems intent on kissing each of jeongguk's fingers, slow and gentle, while jeongguk watches him. it takes him back to when they had first gotten together, when they had no idea what was waiting for them. all they knew was that they wanted to be together despite the danger and the fear and the secrecy. they just wanted each other.

that hasn't changed.

eventually, yoongi lowers jeongguk's hand and says, "i'm ready to stop."

jeongguk's breath stutters, daring not to move or speak lest he ruin whatever yoongi is about to say. he can tell there's a speech coming, from the crease in yoongi's forehead and the way he's staring at jeongguk's hands rather than his face. it's not going to be easy to say.

"i've been thinking about it a lot, while i was waiting for you to get better and wake up," continues yoongi. "for so long, i was on the wrong side of this and helping the government kill soulmates. i can never repair the damage that i did. but when i realized that was wrong and we had the opportunity to do good, i knew i had to. not just to right those wrongs, but because i couldn't depend on anyone else to protect the weak and vulnerable. it had to be me. it had to be us. and we did do good. we did a lot of good. but... when you had second thoughts, i think it had become so much more than just doing good."

yoongi laughs weakly, turning jeongguk's hand over in his grasp. "i was so angry about so much," says yoongi. "mostly about the government taking hoseok. i had my pride, then, thinking that we had to do it. we had to get him back. and i'm so happy that we did, but i almost lost you in the process because i was blinded by my anger and my desperation, and that—that scares me so much. we knew from the start that this work was dangerous, that we were in danger of dying every day, but we had to do it. we had to do this. and frankly, i was afraid of seeming like a coward for turning back."

"hyung," jeongguk begins.

"let me finish," says yoongi softly, eyes flickering to his. "what i've realized in the past few days is that not wanting to die isn't being cowardly. not wanting you to die isn't cowardly. we have done so much with the rebels and i'm proud of that. but you're right, jeongguk—this fight isn't just about the rebels. it's always been about more than that. and we can still fight without having to be on the front lines. we can still do good without having to die for it."

he finally looks up, finally looks at jeongguk. there is something very sad in his eyes, but also something that seems to be at peace with this decision. and that's all jeongguk could ask for. "jimin told me that i had to remember why i'm doing this. i'm doing this for us, so that we can be in peace, and so that other people like us can be in peace. but if i never stop to enjoy being with you while we're together, then what's the point? i was so afraid of feeling like i wouldn't be doing enough if i wasn't holding a gun and firing at the government, but there are so many other ways to do that. metaphorical gun, of course. but the people who work behind the scenes and resist in other ways aren't any less than we are. this is about fighting together, every day, in all of the little ways. and i think i've finally realized that it's okay to fight in the little ways. it's still fighting."

jeongguk can't help but feel so hopeful about it, about the two of them finally seeing eye to eye. "so..." he begins. "that means—"

"i want to stop," says yoongi. "i don't want to be part of the rebels anymore, at least at this capacity. i'm sure that they'll need help with rehabilitating the brainwashed soulmates or repairing other damaged things. i want to be with you first and foremost. we can figure out the rest later."

"really?" asks jeongguk. "i don't want you to feel like you have to make that decision—"

"jeongguk, you almost died," says yoongi. "i never want to go through that again. i never want you to go through that again. that's all the reason i need to take a step back and think about what we're really doing."

it's going to be hard, jeongguk knows, to transition out of this again. to feel as though they're not letting anyone down by stepping away, but he knows it's the best decision for the two of them. and yoongi is right—fighting is still fighting, no matter what it looks like. they are rebels, no matter if they're on the front lines or not. and it's about time they learned what that really means for them. it's about time they learned the best way of resisting for them, where they can still be happy, too.

it's time to make everything yellow again.

≡ ≡ ≡

"i'm pretty sure that's cheating."

"it's not cheating!"

"i've been your friend long enough to know what your cheating face looks like!"

"that's literally bullshit—"

jeongguk giggles, shaking his head as he listens to his friends argue about the silliest things, this time about some card game they finished playing over an hour ago and still haven't gotten over. he missed it. he missed them, missed being surrounded by people who make him feel at home even in the worst conditions. even in the despair, it was always enough to have them. being stuck in the field hospital for the past week and a half while he recovered was harsh, even if the rest of the squad popped in as often as they could.

which, admittedly, wasn't often. jimin has spent almost all of his time at hoseok's bedside, where they are now as they visit as a whole group. hoseok is still in an induced coma as healer soulmates work on reversing the effects of the brainwashing, but all seven of them have taken to hanging out here to include him anyway. maybe it'll help, jimin had said the first time they did—maybe he can hear them. maybe they'll be able to bring him back to himself.

on top of that, seokjin, taehyung, and namjoon almost immediately returned to rebel work once their minor injuries were healed. although rescuing so many detained and brainwashed soulmates set the government back, it seemed to only enrage them and make them hit harder in every other way; although people were injured and needed time to recover, the rebels as a whole couldn't just stop. they need support now more than ever.

which has made his and yoongi's conversations on his recovery even harder to have. yoongi chose to stay by his side as he healed, as they worked out just what their future ought to look like. and while it was good to just have the two of them, jeongguk can't deny how much he's missed all of them and their banter and antics. they're all fucking crazy, and he loves them.

in the middle of taehyung and jimin arguing about cards, one of the healers pops his head into the room to shush them. while jeongguk was confined to a cot in what was more or less a tent, the rescued soulmates like hoseok were taken to a more permanent hospital location, since they don't know how long they'll be here for. they still have to live in secrecy lest the government try to take out the hospital and cover their bases, but it's nicer than what jeongguk had at least. and that means there are plenty of other patients around, ones they have to keep quiet for.

it'll only last so long, though. it's what jeongguk loves so much about them.

"so we agree it was cheating," says taehyung after a beat of silence, and the entire group erupts into laughter as jimin flings an empty paper cup at him. jeongguk sighs with happiness, leaning his head on yoongi's shoulder where they're sitting beside each other in fold-out chairs, crowded around hoseok's bed. it's not the same as home, but it's close enough. and after almost losing everything, jeongguk is happy with whatever he can get.

thoroughly calmed down, though, conversation turns to more somber topics.

"how have the missions been going?" yoongi asks. "i'm sorry we can't be there to help."

"don't apologize for supporting your soulmate," says namjoon quickly. "we've been fine, though. mostly supporting other squads while we wait for all of you to get back on your feet."

"it's scarier, i feel," admits seokjin. "our mission was a huge blow to the government and it's clear that they're shaken, so they're taking more risks to try and hit us where it hurts. but that just means we're doing something right, because they're afraid of us."

"we're showing that they can't just walk all over us," agrees namjoon. "but it'll be nice when we're all back to normal, i think. i definitely feel better when i have the four of you with us." who knows how long it'll take for hoseok to recover, though? and jeongguk knows jimin won't leave his side the entire time.

as for jeongguk and yoongi...

"what do you think the future looks like?" jimin asks, before jeongguk can open his mouth. "i feel like this is a turning point, in a way."

"the war is far from over," says taehyung. "but it's changed, somehow. the stakes are higher. both sides are getting fed up with it, i think."

jeongguk is fed up with it and he's only been fighting for a few years. "they're not going to stop," he says after a beat. "they're just going to come up with more and more technology to change us and hurt us. they're just going to become more and more inhuman in their dealings with us. and i fear we might match them in an attempt to overcome them."

it's a harrowing thing, realizing he's killed people. and he's done it in defense, for the sake of protection. but he's still killed people. he feels yoongi turn his head and press a kiss to jeongguk's hair; no one disagrees.

"i wish we could just be normal," says seokjin quietly. "and i could—i could have gone with that. when my soulmate refused to even associate with me, i could have had it almost easy. and sometimes, i regret joining the rebels at all and willingly putting myself in this position, but... there are people suffering. how can i stand by and let it happen?"

"i think i'll fight until my dying breath," says taehyung. "and if i never see a difference, so be it. because the moment we stop fighting, they win. the moment we begin to think that we don't make a difference, they win. and even if fighting means simply resisting without winning, i don't care."

jeongguk can't stop staring at where jimin is holding hoseok's hand. it's worse for them than anyone else. "what are you going to do?" jeongguk asks. "after hoseok-hyung is okay again, i mean. are you going to keep being rebels?"

"i don't know," says jimin. "i'll have to ask him what he wants. but i wouldn't blame him if he didn't want to. and we're in this together." the way he's looking at yoongi and jeongguk seems to be saying something, or understanding something deeper. jeongguk knows they have to say something, to admit what they've decided.

lifting his head, jeongguk squeezes yoongi's hand. perhaps they all know, or suspect; it was no secret in the weeks in which jeongguk and yoongi were fighting. they were all aware of the animosity and the reason for that animosity. but this is their squad. these are their people, the men they have fought with day in and day out for almost eight months now. they have bled together. they have hurt together.

they have triumphed together.

into the silence, yoongi says, "we're going to step away from the rebels."

when the words aren't met with surprise or outrage, he continues: "we've spoken to headquarters about it and for our safety, we'll probably still remain in the bunker with you. the government knows us and knows what we've done, so it's impossible to just go back to the life we lived before. but we won't go on missions anymore. we won't fight, not like we did."

jeongguk swallows tightly, fearful of their reactions—but no one looks angry. "we're going to fight in the background instead," he says carefully. "it's like hyung said—resisting is still fighting. and after what happened, i... we don't want to be on the front lines anymore. we want to fight in other ways. we want to help other people fight, because this isn't going to end any time soon and more people than just the rebels need to know how to resist."

"we're going to run programs and services for bonded soulmates who aren't part of the rebels," adds yoongi. "things like teaching them how to use their abilities to protect themselves so the government can't just come in and hurt them the way they have in the past. helping newly bonded soulmates adjust to their new life, help them stay safe and hidden. teach them hand to hand, teach them how to fight without having to be part of the rebels. that's important too."

there's a grin on jeongguk's face now, thinking of it. "the only way we're going to make progress is if we all fight together," he says. "so we want to help every day people resist. that's—that's what we wanted to do to begin with." his eyes shift to namjoon, who is watching them with something misty in his gaze. "we just wanted to help people, people who weren't as fortunate as us. and it hurt us, but... we can do that again. we want to honour what you did for us, namjoon-hyung, and for everyone who came in contact with the guardians."

namjoon wipes at his eyes, but he says, voice thick, "that's really nice, you guys."

jeongguk laughs, but everyone else is grinning too. they're not mad, not by a long shot—and that means they're not blaming them for wanting to step away. "i'm proud of you two," says seokjin, "for making that decision. and i think you'll be amazing at whatever you do."

"we'll still be living with you all," says yoongi, "so you can't get rid of us that easily."

"shit," says jimin, making jeongguk laugh again. "but really, that sounds amazing. those soulmates will be so lucky to have you helping them."

"this fight is about so much more than the rebels," shrugs jeongguk. "and the rebels are important, but it's a fight that everyone can take part in even without being part of the rebels. so that's going to be us. and if we can help save the life of even one person by helping them save their own life... it's worth it." he looks over at yoongi, grinning wider.

after a second, taehyung says, "wait, you're not moving out? that means we still have to listen to you having sex all the time?"

"oh my god," groans yoongi.

jeongguk smacks taehyung only because he happens to be sitting close enough. "we're not nearly as bad as jimin-hyung and hoseok-hyung!"

"it's been so nice with all four of you out of the bunker these past few weeks—"

"i'll make yoongi-hyung make you trip over your shoelaces every time you put on a pair of shoes, kim taehyung, so help me god."

"that's cheating!"

"what's with you and cheating today?"

"gentlemen, i really do have to ask you to quiet down while in the hospital—"

later, when jeongguk and yoongi bid their farewells, they're silent as they move through the corridors of the hospital. at the end of the hall that leads to hoseok's room, jeongguk pauses when he glances inside the last room on the right and sees a familiar face. on the bed inside, peacefully unconscious just as hoseok is, is the woman. that woman; he never learned her name, but she was the one who took hoseok.

the one who could outsmart him, who could keep herself out of his predictions.

his feet come to a halt of their own accord, expecting something: some anger or hurt or resentment. for weeks, his blood boiled at the thought of her, this woman who had taunted him and taken one of his best friends from him. who had surely killed, and killed for the government.

"jeongguk?" yoongi asks, having walked ahead and now realized that jeongguk has stopped. "something wrong?"

jeongguk stares into the room and realizes he feels nothing but sorrow for this woman who was made to do the government's bidding, who was stolen from her own life and her own home, who was brainwashed to the point of likely not even remembering who she had been before. yes, she hurt. yes, she hurt him. but she is a victim, too. she has never been the real enemy.

and jeongguk doesn't resent her for it. he just wants her to get better, to be saved from whatever the government forced her into. in another version of this story, she could have been jeongguk.

"no, hyung," says jeongguk with a small grin, turning to follow yoongi down the hallway. "i think everything is going to be just fine."

≡ ≡ ≡

"yes, like that!" calls jeongguk as he walks past a pair of young women sparring. "remember to always look for an opening to use your ability! we have them for a reason; they're the leg up we'll always have against our opponents who haven't bonded with their soulmates. use them!" he grins as he walks along the edge of the floor mats, offering encouragement to the pairs fighting each other. he steps out of the way to narrowly avoid getting hit by a stream of fire, giving a thumbs up to the man who sent it in the first place.

"these people are trained to kill you," jeongguk continues. "they're trained to find a way to use your own abilities against you. and they have a stockpile of technology to help them, so you have to outsmart them. and you can. what don't they know about your ability from the surface level understanding? what can you use it for that they'll never see coming? stretch your imagination! push yourself beyond your boundaries!"

he continues around the border of the room, pleased with the progress that he's seeing. when he first started working with these soulmates, most of them were unpolished and unsure of how to use their abilities to defend themselves. but after a few months, they've shown great improvement, and jeongguk already feels more confident about having them out there in the world, simply trying to live their own lives.

that's what all of these people are trying to do—that's what everyone that jeongguk and yoongi work with are trying to do. they're not rebels. they aren't going to rush into battle or rescue missions; they simply want to live and love, want to exist without having to worry about the government trying to break into their houses in the middle of the night and kill them.

and the government may still try. but now the soulmates will be ready. they'll know how to defend themselves. they won't need the rebels to do it for them, at least to the extent that they once did.

this is what jeongguk and yoongi have been doing for the past year since stepping away from the rebels. it's dangerous and risky, putting so many soulmates in one area, but the rebels have been firing back at the government harder than ever and the police are distracted, on the defensive. jeongguk wants them to be terrified, and this is just one of the many ways they're going to get there one day.

jeongguk steps out of the way as a young man who can't be much older than eighteen is knocked back by his partner, landing with an oof on the mat at jeongguk's feet. he's covered in sweat and breathing hard, but when he looks up at jeongguk, there's a breathless grin on his face. still—"can we please take a break, jeongguk-ssi?" he asks. "i'm dying of thirst."

"you're just embarrassed that i keep kicking your ass!" his partner calls out, and jeongguk laughs as the downed man shoots a vine out of his hand and wraps it around his partner's ankle, tripping him. at least they all seem to have a good sense of humor about this and are keen on learning and practicing, despite the fact that they shouldn't have to do this at all. but most of the soulmates who come to them do so eagerly, wanting to be able to protect themselves. they're just happy to know someone wants to help at all, and trust yoongi and jeongguk's ability to teach them considering they used to be rebels themselves.

"alright, don't kill each other," laughs jeongguk. "but you're right; i think it's time for a break. everyone, we'll break for fifteen minutes!" as the pairs disperse to grab something to drink and chat, jeongguk catches sight of yoongi making his way through the crowd toward him. there's a grin on jeongguk's face before his brain catches up, this forever sort of euphoria at being with yoongi at all. it hasn't been an easy year, but it's been a good one.

"they're looking good today," says yoongi. "you're a good teacher."

"i am," jeongguk agrees. "you should tell that to our friends, though."

"they'll call me biased."

"aren't you?"

yoongi sighs, but it's fond. "remember when we were first training?" he asks; it wasn't even two years ago that they first joined the rebels, but so much has happened in that time that it feels like a lifetime ago. they certainly almost died enough for a lifetime in those two years.

"yeah, and i used to kick your ass all of the time."

"i went easy on you!"

"sure," laughs jeongguk, and yoongi gives him a light shove in indignation. "you didn't have to be nice to me then, hyung. we were already bonded and married."

"i still didn't want to hurt you."

"you are so full of shit."

they're interrupted by jeongguk realizing their teasing argument has amassed an audience, several of their trainees watching them with amused expressions as they sip their water. it's no secret that jeongguk and yoongi love teasing each other and using their abilities on each other during training sessions for pranks, but jeongguk tries to keep it as professional as possible because none of this for fun. this is life and death.

still. today has been going well and they're all on a break right now.

"what are you looking at?" he asks nonetheless.

"you know what i think would really help us learn?" says one of the trainees. "learning by example. seeing the two of you fight each other."

"what, so i can kick hyung's ass because he's going easy on me?" snorts jeongguk.

"hey, i said that was back then. it's a different story now."

jeongguk cocks his eyebrows at yoongi, silently asking what he thinks. of course, jeongguk could simply use his ability to find out what they'll do, but he likes it this way—even ground. at least for now. a few exclamations of encouragement go up from the rapidly growing group of trainees watching them, and yoongi's lips quirk into a smirk, and jeongguk knows they're both goners.

"fine," says jeongguk. "we'll do it."

"you just want to show off," says yoongi.

"and? i don't mind looking cool."

they take their positions on the floor mat, ten feet apart. they used to do this all the time, training with each other to push their abilities. it's always been—interesting. the only person who knows jeongguk's ability almost as well as himself is yoongi, and vice versa. they're soulmates after all, connected in the most intimate and profound of ways. realistically, they should be evenly matched. but jeongguk has always been very competitive.

"watch and learn, kids," he says, rolling up his sleeves as he watches yoongi from across the mat. "i'm about to show you how it's done."

"and i'm about to show you how to shut up someone with a mouth as big as that," grins yoongi. a smattering of laughter goes up from the crowd now watching them. jeongguk tilts his head, waiting for yoongi to move first; the problem with their abilities is that it's almost entirely mind games. jeongguk can predict almost all of yoongi's moves, but yoongi can mess with the probability of those predictions coming true in the first place. in the end, this won't really be about the physical fight. it's about who can make a move that the other can't do something about before it even comes to fruition.

yoongi's leg so much as twitches and then jeongguk is closing his eyes, throwing himself just half a second into the future as he predicts what yoongi will do and then moves in anticipation.

jeongguk throws his arm up in anticipation of yoongi trying to jab him in the throat, then the other arm up when it collides and he knows yoongi will try the other side. he side-steps in time to avoid yoongi's leg trying to collide with his side, twisting and turning as another punch is thrown at him. he keeps his eyes closed the whole time, knowledge of the future of yoongi's actions filtering through to him and only getting stronger every time yoongi touches him.

each punch is met with a block, each kick met with a side-step or twist. finally seeing an opening, he waits until yoongi throws another punch and then grabs his arm with both of his own hands and yanks yoongi toward him as he turns his back, intending to throw yoongi over his shoulder—but yoongi changes course at the last second, before jeongguk can predict what he'll do, and hooks his arm around jeongguk's neck.

jeongguk huffs as yoongi then hooks his leg around jeongguk's calf, trying to throw him off-balance, but jeongguk knows the moment yoongi will throw his weight and jeongguk leans hard in the other direction the split second before, succeeding in throwing yoongi off of his balance instead.

letting go of yoongi, jeongguk turns and, finally opening his eyes, swiftly jabs yoongi in the gut. when yoongi steps back to absorb it, now letting jeongguk go on the offense, there's a wild look in his eyes.

"you can't always know your opponent's skills," jeongguk says as he advances on yoongi, their skin slapping as they block and parry each other's attacks, "but be confident in your own and don't give your opponent an opportunity to—" he lets out a yelp as his foot is suddenly caught between two of the floor mats they're fighting on and he falls to the ground to a smattering of laughter from their audience.

he rolls onto his back, looking up at where yoongi is grinning over top of him. "you can't always know your opponents' skills," he agrees, "but sometimes you do. and if you do, don't be afraid to use those to your advantage. in particular, i know that jeongguk focuses on his opponent's actions when fighting, but he tends to forget about his surroundings. so—" he gestures to the space between the floor mats where jeongguk tripped. he must have used his own ability to make sure there would be a wide enough gap for jeongguk to trip over.

jeongguk hates that it was a good move, since it was also a dirty one. but that's how the two of them play.

yoongi holds out his hand to help jeongguk up, but jeongguk knows that yoongi will only use that to his advantage, so when he takes it, jeongguk acts first; he pulls yoongi down onto the ground with him and scrambles to pounce on him, straddling yoongi within seconds as they begin tussling on the ground. now that yoongi isn't holding back on his ability, though, it's already harder; jeongguk can predict what yoongi will do outwardly, but he can't predict what events yoongi will change the probability of.

when jeongguk throws a punch, yoongi twists out of the way, and on the next one, jeongguk's sleeve falls over his wrist, causing him to get his thumb caught in the material. momentarily distracted, he doesn't have time to prepare for yoongi to grab jeongguk's wrists and throw him sideways, flipping them over. in the process, jeongguk's shoelace gets caught in his other shoe so he can't use his legs to his advantage, giving yoongi a scathing look as he throws a few more punches.

"knowing your own skill and ability," yoongi continues, rapidly running out of breath by the sounds of it, "also has to do with thinking outside of the box." jeongguk predicts his next few movements, dodging the attacks before grabbing yoongi's wrist and twisting it painfully until yoongi lifts himself off of jeongguk's hips enough for jeongguk to lift his leg and give yoongi a firm push with his foot. as yoongi tumbles back, he says, "neither jeongguk's nor my abilities are outwardly related to combat. we can't shoot things out of our hands or hurt people, but that means we've adapted."

jeongguk tries to get up only to find that his shirt has gotten caught between two of the mats, huffing when it gives yoongi the chance to get up first. "exactly," he agrees. "sometimes fighting isn't just about aggression or strength. find out what works for you and how you can gain a leg up on your opponent even if it doesn't have to do with punching or running. you'll be surprised at how many different ways you can use your ability."

when he finally gets up, he and yoongi are almost back to their original positions, neither of them moving just yet. this whole time, yoongi has been changing the probability of little things that will inhibit jeongguk's movements, and jeongguk can't predict that as well in the moment. but he can predict all of yoongi's physical fighting, which means they could do this for hours without anyone winning. and they have.

"c'mon, jeongguk!" someone calls. "kick his ass!"

jeongguk laughs, turning to look at them—and that's all yoongi needs to advance. opening his mouth, jeongguk pretends he's still distracted before he moves at the last second, darting forward and sideways while sticking his foot out to catch yoongi in the ankle. when yoongi begins to fall, jeongguk catches his arm and yanks him sideways, narrowly missing yoongi trying to grab him and drag him down with him. instead, jeongguk bends over, letting yoongi collide with his hip and go soaring over the top of him, landing on his back on the mat with a loud oof.

when jeongguk straightens, there's a grin on his lips. he holds out his hand and makes it into a gun, closing one eye as he aims and then 'shoots'. yoongi laughs. "alright," he says. "you win this one."

cheers go up from the crowd watching them. it was hardly their most intense or realistic fight, but it was nice to show their trainees a bit of what they can do—and prove how sometimes this doesn't have anything to do with being flashy or aggressive. he wants these soulmates to learn that no matter what ability they have, they can fight. they can resist. no matter how young or small or weak they think they are, they will always be able to defend themselves.

jeongguk is sweating as he hauls yoongi off of the ground to applause and cheers from their trainees, unable to help but laugh along with them. they might not put themselves on the front lines of the fight anymore, but it's good to know they've still got it, are still to be feared by anyone who would dare try to hurt them. but it's not about that anymore, not here. here, all they've come to do is show everyone else how to fight for themselves, too. no one can take that from them.

yoongi whips the trainees back into training on the mat rather than standing around and laughing about the fight, making jeongguk giggle as he pulls yoongi off to the side and throws him a water bottle from their stockpile. then he sits beside yoongi, back against the wall, as they drink their water together and watch the trainees fight and spar and train. and learn. and resist.

jeongguk can't help marveling about it now. they've been together for something like three and a half years now. before it all, he was just a kid filled with too much anger. he was just a kid fed up with the state of the world, wishing for more, feeling stuck in a world that couldn't seem to get worse. and it's odd, really; in those three and a half years, jeongguk has been forced deeper and deeper into the underbelly of this city and society. he's had to hide himself, had to give up every last thing he had once considered poverty but would now consider a luxury. he's been hunted. he's almost died.

but he's happier now than he ever was back then. and he's not become complacent with what is happening in their world; if anything, he's angrier about what the government is doing because he's come face to face with it in realer ways than he did as a teenager. but he would rather do this with yoongi than do anything better without yoongi. there is always something to be grateful for, and having min yoongi—his soulmate, his husband—at his side every step of the way makes everything that much easier to bear.

they bear the burden together. that's what a soulmate does here, because the world is always going to be shit. the fight isn't over and it might never be, but jeongguk knows that he never has to deal with the immensity of it alone. and that's all he could ask for: someone to weather the storm with. someone to share the goddamn umbrella with, even if the umbrella leaks. isn't it better than standing out in the rain alone, afraid, uncertain?

jeongguk hums, knocking his knee against yoongi's as he watches the trainees. he hears yoongi's questioning hum, but jeongguk isn't sure he has the words for what he's thinking or feeling. the first time they met, they were so angry at each other, at odds, on the opposite ends of this fight. he never could have predicted this, but seeing yoongi's soulmark for the first time launched the greatest love story he could imagine.

"i take it back," says jeongguk eventually.

"the thing about being better than me at hand-to-hand?" asks yoongi.

"when we met," says jeongguk—and it's amazing that he can remember so much of their first conversation, but he used to play it back in his mind again and again, dissecting it. memorizing it. "i told you that if i could do what i wanted, i would paint. and you asked why i don't paint, and i said i don't because painting makes me happy, but i can't eat happiness. and then later, when we were trying to be friends, i told you my favourite colour was yellow. i told you that story about van gogh, the myth that said he ate yellow paint because he wanted his insides to be bright. i told you yellow wasn't my favourite colour because i was happy, but because i wanted to be happy, and maybe if i surrounded myself with it, that happiness would rub off on me."

he looks over at yoongi, grinning at the puzzled look on yoongi's face. "i take it back," he repeats.

"why?"

"because," says jeongguk, "i don't need to want to be happy anymore. i just am. and it's strange, you know—on the outside, my life is so much worse than it was back then. we live in a fucking bunker in the ground out of fear of the government killing us. we don't have real jobs, we aren't protected under any law. we are wanted by the government. we are hated by so many for doing something as simple as falling in love. but i've learned that happiness isn't about luxury or comfort or ease. i've learned that i don't have to keep waiting for something to make me happy. i am choosing to be happy in spite of everything trying to make me feel another way. my life is yellow because i say it is, hyung."

he can tell yoongi is smiling even without looking at him, and then yoongi leans in and plants a kiss on his cheek. "i didn't say it had anything to do with you," jeongguk adds, teasing, but yoongi doesn't even rise to it.

"i take it back too," he says instead. "i think i told you my favourite colour was blue. but now, my favourite colour is whatever your favourite colour is."

"remember the banquet? where we met?"

"no, and i don't want to. that was a hellish part of my life."

"i forgive you, you know," says jeongguk, "for what you did and who you were."

"yeah?" asks yoongi. "i think i forgive me, too."

no, this fight isn't going to be over anytime soon. this will be a fight they must fight for the rest of their lives, resisting every day to keep themselves alive at all. the tides could turn any day; this could be their last day at all. but for years, jeongguk used to wake up waiting for the day when things would change, when they would get better. he used to wander through life, hoping for something more.

jeongguk hasn't done that for a long time. he could predict what the future holds, but he won't—because for the first time in his life, he is happy to live right here, to exist right here: with yoongi. always with yoongi. whatever comes next—whatever fight they must fight, whatever burden they must bear, they'll do it together. as husbands. as partners. as soulmates.

jeongguk is going to spend the rest of his life giving the fucking middle finger to the government with min yoongi, and god—god. finally, he's going to look forward to it. finally, he's going to look forward to the future and his life, even in poverty and unluck and oppression, because he's never alone in it. this isn't over and it might never be, but jeongguk is ready for it, whatever it is, because he has yoongi.

and finally, everything is going to be—yellow.